its not stalking. its research.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
