I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
