I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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