You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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