Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
