We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
