Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
