Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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