I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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