I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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