Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
operation have a gay friend backfired
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
