I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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