My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
