I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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