So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
