my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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