He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
