So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's blow job season.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
