The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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