You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
