he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
