he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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