Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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