That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize