He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
