So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
