i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize