i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
