I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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