You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
