Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
