It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
