Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize