D3 body, D1 cock
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
