I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wish my penis had a tongue
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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