well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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