in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
