btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
