It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
