Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
