glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
