she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
