Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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