she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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