brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
