u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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