Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
