I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
