Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
