Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
