I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
