At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
