Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize