we made out on top of his cat.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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