Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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