Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
