went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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