What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
