singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
