you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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