my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
